Exisiting

Not too much happening here. Ever get the feeling that you're submerged in jello, you can't move, you're just suspended in a gelatinous space of your own making, or someone else's making? That's me; here....existing. Nothing is special, nothing specific, just existing. My guess is that there are a lot of people out there doing the same thing. Hanging on, digging in deep riding the wave and waiting for it to carry them somewhere. hmmm....

Anyway, I was thinking of something I had written about 4 years ago and low and behold in church the other day the title was once again presented to me in such a way that it practically smacked me in the face. God works in mysterious ways they say. Maybe someone needs to read it, maybe I need to hear it again, maybe I feel it again. Here it is.


Rose of Sharon

Are the scars still visible?
Do they leave a remembrance of how selfish we became?
I will touch them and feel the sacrifice that was given.
As for me, I do not deserve the anguish you shed.
I am moved into my inheritance by your gift.
A blood sacrament stained through white wool, sifted
down
crevasses of knotted pine; puddled in mud, but still pure
as light.
You touched my heart, bought my soul and I happy to be
yours Rose of Sharon.


One more thing, I haven't written anything in a long while, I wish I could but as the song goes; the language is leaving me. If I did, I would love to write songs like this guy.

Other songs by Mraz on the youtube video bar.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8Mz_kyRlWY
~~peace~~
Moni

Ah Amore'

Back again kiddies and with a semi-new keyboard. I thought I would take my keyboard for a test spin. I'm not liking it, but I guess it will take some getting used to. I was thinking recently ...yeah I know it's dangerous for me, but I live life on the edge. I digress; I was thinking about love. That four letter word that gets us all in a tither. I hate to sound down on love but hey, if the Valentine's paper heart fits...torch it.

I was thinking of all the things that we tell each other when our hearts are full of lofty thoughts, rather of the things we don't want to hear, especially us gals. So here's my list counting down from 10.

10). We're in different places in our lives right now I don't
we mesh.

9). I was going to call you but I lost my phone.

8). I think I'm allergic to your cat.

7). It's not you it's me.

6). Long distance relationships never work.

5). Sorry I have to spend the weekend with a sick friend

4). My mom's brother's cousin's friend died and I had to
attend the funeral.

3). I had to work late.

2). I may have looked at her, but I'm going home with you.

1). I swear to you I didn't know it was Valentine's Day!


Of course, none of these have ever happened to me personally. hehehehe!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GluCM_ggMvw



Bitter me? NOOOOO. Everyone have a happy and love-filled Valentine's Day.



~~Moni~~

Still Alive in 2009

Well now it has been sometime since my last post and although I'd like to think there are a few malingering bloggers out there who still read my blog; the prospects are grim. But if there is anyone out there who gives a flying fig as to what's going on in my lil' old life; here's a chance for me to catch you up.

How's my life going? From the title, I guess you could conceive that I'm still alive. That's about it. Installing a floor in my kitchen( it ain't easy), watching idly by as my daughter becomes a teenager this year(especially not easy), and enduring the financial hardships of too many Americans(damned sure ain't easy), that's what I've been doing these days.

As much as I complain, I do realize that things could be worse. So I guess I'll try to stay on the sunny side of the street, I just need to find it.

P.S. If you're looking for a film that will move you try Gran Torino.

Written, directed and starring Clint Eastwood, I think it's Oscar worthy. I heard that Clint Eastwood received a Golden Globe, not for acting in or directing the movie, but for cowritting the title song , Gran Torino. I have downloaded on my blog's Video Bar(1st video). Take a listen.

P.S.S. bu-bye

Keeping Up With the Keeper Uppers

So it has been a while, and I must let my writing muscles no matter how puny; atrophy. Recently I got roped into hosting one of those parties that women folk have from time to time. You got your Tupperware, Mary Kay, Avon, Candle Parties, Pampered Chef, Home Interior....you get the point. It's not that I have anything against these parties as a way to socialize, make a little extra money or what have you, it's the hard-sell pressure that's put upon one to keep the circle of parties going. I mean where does it end? When you've saturated the market, when you've called on all your friends and their friends; especially if you live in a small town, what then? People soon see you coming and try to think of ways to avoid the subject of having one of these damned parties. Because believe it or not, it actually costs the person whose hosting the party. The very person whose trying to help out by having a party is forced to make their house presentable, invite people, supply refreshments and such.

Never again I say! My mom and I invited 20 people and 2 showed. Maybe we're just not the social type. lol And another thing that erks me is the fact that some people go to a person's home just to see what they have. I've never been that way and don't intend to be that way. I'm not into keeping appearances.

Hey guys help me out are people not visiting my blog because I had to change the stat counter and I don't think it's installed correctly. Any suggestions?

Take care my lovelies,
Moni

Blessed

In everything there is a lesson, some nugget of wisdom; some purpose providing us with a building block to a better character. "What doesn't kill us only makes a stronger," type of thing. Thank God this time the building block came at not such a painful price. to all my blogging friends and to answer your comment Blue; a resounding, "Great!" Mom had the surgery to remove the tumor, which was about to spread. They got all the cancer and she didn't even have to have chemotherapy. I'm really grateful and blessed.

Not thinking negatively and not looking back, just taking what was given and moving forward.

Thanks again for your thoughts and prayers blogging buddies. Special thanks to my life-long friend Pam and my boyfriend Patrick for all your support. But most of all thank you Lord.

~~til' next time~~
Moni

Go Phelps!

If "If's" and "Buts" Were Candy and Nuts....

Oh what a Christmas it would be. I have a blog? Ya don't say! I hope everyone who reads is safe and well and with you one's you love. It's true it is I; the lonely blogger, the seldom blogger, like a late night D.J. with one lonesome listener. Ha, I just equate myself in this way because it's 12:30 am on a Friday night and I can't sleep.

How have I been? Why thank you for asking. ;) Geesh! I tell you that my life seems to have gotten worse. Facing major life choices; my illness, and my mother has been diagnosed with cancer and I won't mention the financial crap that keeps floating to the top of the stress pool. Ooops, just did. Major decisions, life altering decisions hang on every thought, and damned if I can find my happy place, I think it packed up and moved to Fresno. ;)

Oh yeah, maybe there is one bright spot, well a personal hurdle...hurdled. I did write a song(lyrics and my own melody), go into the recording studio and sing it. I was so nervous. I have a whole new appreciation for professional singers now, it's not as easy as it looks. I must say I had some talented people guiding me. I don't think the song will go platinum anytime soon. lol

The title of my post, how does it tie in? Well that's my friend and his unconventional wisdom and support for which I am very grateful. I was crying on his shoulder one night and lamenting that "if" this happened, "but" that didn't happen. And he said to me, "If, if's and but's were candy and nuts, oh what a Christmas it would be. It made me laugh. Love ya P.

And to my lovely internet friends if you feel inclined to pray for me I would greatly appreciated it. Another saying on a church sign read, "When it pours, he reigns." True, true.

See ya next post,
~~Moni~~

Waiting For the Other Shoe to Drop

My friend told me recently that I live my life waiting for the other shoe to drop. Now for those of you who have never heard that saying; myself included, I'll explain. I live my life in anticipation that anything good in my life won't last, in this case, a relationship. Eventually every relationship that I have will dissolve. I was told that it was a self-prophesying thought pattern and a recipe for failure. Geesh, I never really realized that about myself. In my mind this sort of mentality is pessimistic, and I never figured myself as a pessimist, I always thought I was an optimist. While I will admit that there is a grain of accuracy to this "arm chair" psychology, I have my reasons. Thanks my fiend for the faux self realization. Ha!

On a less sarcastic note: Here is one of my favorite poems for your reading enjoyment.

Lullaby
W. H. Auden

Lay your sleeping head, my love,
Human in my fathers arm,
Time and fevers burn away
Individual beauty from
thoughtful children and the grave
Proves the child ephemeral;
But in my arms till break of day
Let the living creature be.
Mortal, guilty, but to me
The entirely beautiful
Soul and body have no bound
To lovers as they lie upon
Her tolerant entharted slope
In their ordinary swoon,
Grieve the vision Venus sends
of supernatural sympathy
Universal love and hope;
While an abstract insight wakes
among the glaciers and the rocks
The hermits carnal ecstasy
Certainty, fidelity
on the stroke of midnight pass
Like vibrations of a bell
and fashionable madmen raise
Their pedantic boring cry,
Every farthing of the cost
all the dreaded cards foretell
shall be paid, but from this night
not a whisper, not a thought
not a kiss nor look be lost
Beauty, midnight, vision dies;
Let the winds of dawn that blow
Softly round your dreaming head
such a day of welcome show
Eye and knocking heart may bless
find our mortal world enough
rooms of dryness find you fed
By the involuntary pours
Nights of insult let you pass
Watched by every human love.


Happy Easter and God bless